OMGOODNESS!!! Can you believe it?

I am posting. Let me say that again... I am posting, people! (Like there are any actually reading this, but I like to say people.)
Hello.
My name is Verlana.
It has been 8 months since my last post.
(Crowd: Hello, Verlana...)

Yep. I have not taken the time to write on here, but helping Michelle last night made me remember how much fun it was to actually get it all out. I LOVE to talk. I am the extreme extrovert who needs and thoroughly enjoys being around people all of the time. I do not need much time to retreat and be alone. I'd prefer to be "alone" around people- ie. watching TV, doing something next to my husband while he does something like reading his mountain biking magazines... or grocery shopping alone, surrounded by people not related to me. I have had a diary off and on since 8th grade. There are several in college I have toyed with throwing away. I am so far from that person, and I can't believe I thought I was responsible and mature! However, I have to remember that it was that very person that made me into who I am today. I just pray that in the event of my death that my sister rushes to the house and nabs them. I do NOT want my boys reading them! :) Ok, that sounded very juvenile, but it's true. I thank God that my husband knew me in college and that we were great friends... he knew the good, the bad and the ugly V. (He loves Clint Eastwood western movies.)

What has been up, you ask, since November 2007? Nothing. Nothing at all.
Seriously, I don't even know where to begin. Maybe that's why I haven't begun in so long! I have these incredibly, lovely friends who listen to my rants and ramblings that I haven't really had much pent up inside. You can always check out the family blog- www.laraway.com - to see pictures and read a story about the family. But me? Well, I am so good. I am so happy. I am so at peace. I am so in love with my family. I want to eat my littlest son, Starks. I want to wrap my arms around Chas and hold him in my lap. I want to hold Anthony and relish in the fact that he doesn't yet push me away. And, I'm sure you know what I want to do to my husband. ;) Without him, I'd have none of the boys! I just think, "How did I get here?" How is it that there is so much misery in the world, yet I live this incredible life? I get to stay home with my kids. I get to play every day. I get to soak in the sun, the energy and the love all day. Who is more blessed?
I digress. Well, last year I had begun being a Children's Ministry leader, and I cannot even begin to describe how fed I was in Leaders. Being a women's group leader or children's leader, we had our own study on Tueday before leading on Thursday. Wow! I feel like I grew leaps and bounds in my understanding and relationship with God. I loved it. I ate it up! Everything that was said, shared and discussed was consumed by me. Again, how is it that I am able to be fed like this? Who am I?

So, I am excited to begin Leaders again and study. I almost feel guilty that I may be getting more out of it than I am putting into it. Putting into it feels so easy... like it's not a burden or anything. Anyway, it should be bittersweet to have my best friend not there. I am glad that she is going somewhere else, but I will certainly miss her every Tuesday. Maybe we'll still get a Starbucks together? Oh, the routines we so easily slip into!

My boys will be in full days of school this year, and I am already mourning. I am grieving the time I won't have with Chas already. I have had to keep putting it aside for God to handle and not dwell on it just yet. Then I think about it and get sad again. I am not at all the worrying type, but I am one to prepares... I prepare for almost all scenarios. Watch out camping... bee sting, open fracture, sucking chest wound- I've got the supplies! I think A LOT and am apt to jump into the future sometimes. I'm working on it being more like a hopscotch jump in that I don't linger but move on and come back to reality. With God's help, I am changing. All of that to say I will miss Chas. I will likely also enjoy the time I am afforded from 8-2! Not having to be at school at 12 and again at 2 will be nice. Maybe there's a part of me that would feel guilty if I let myself feel too happy about that. Hmm...

I have SO enjoyed our summer. It feels like I was rejuvenated this summer. The focus came back to family. We have done some very wonderful things, and we have had days of doing very little! It has all been good. In doing so much together, we have grown to know each other a little deeper and reconnected in an awesome way. I have great kids. My friend, Michelle, wrote about kids being kids and not adults. I also believe that kids will act with whatever personality God gave them. We can encourage them to behave in a way more acceptable in society and encourage them to change a negative behavior, but I was reminded that it wasn't until Russ was diagnosed with high blood pressure that he realized he needed to change his behavior to stress. It wasn't ok any more to throw the screwdriver in frustration when something wasn't fitting together, or to clench his fists and teeth like the Hulk when angry about something spilling or breaking... so, I can't expect my son who was created with the very same personality to change it as age 5 when it wasn't until age 32 for my husband! Now, again, I will continue to encourage him to choose the right reaction. I can give him the words. I can try to help him manage triggers. But, kids are who they are. Now, if my son's behavior was endangering others or affecting his esteem or whatever, then we'd be in counseling because I'm not sure what to do then! :) I love who my kids are becoming. I in no way want to rush time, but I think it's just going to keep getting better (actually I have to believe it) as they grow. I sometimes get glimpses in the boys of them at age 18. I can picture them in a certiain pose or stance and see them in that same position at 18. I love it and hate it.

Is it sad that I can't even just write about myself? It always comes back to my boys or our family. That is who I am mostly right now... a Mom. I love that title and feel very blessed to have been given the opportunity to claim it. It's all good.

Well, I could totally keep rambling- thus the title of my blog, but I feel like I should relax. Russ and the boys will be back soon from his soccer game. How cool that he took Anthony and Chas to watch him play tonight? It was an 8:15 game, so we'll see how tomorrow goes. We have no plans. We'll keep it low key and chill... or maybe I'll just make them a coffee! :)

I'm sure no one will really read this, but it's nice to write down. Life is full.