I love my sister and other things

I love my sister. BOY, do I love my sister. I always have. As I have aged, I have found that I love her more for more things. I love that when I'm with her that I somehow feel complete. I know, Jerry McGuire said, "You complete me" while talking to Renee Zellweger. However, she makes me feel complete because she has been the person who has been there since birth! My mother has, too, but she's my mother. My sister is my friend... we fought when we were young. I wanted to be her, but I hated that she was a boss of me. The love is just different, not necessarily better, but different with a sibling. I have such a respect for it that I often find myself trying to instill a bug in a mother of one's ear that she should have another. I'm not pushy, but I just make it a point to highlight all of the great things that siblings have and share. So, since Russ was gone four days last week, he has had some really great play time with the boys. I weeded out the good strand of my wandering jew and replanted them all the while talking to my sister. I must've talked to her for maybe even over an hour and a half. I'm not sure. It didn't feel long until I removed the phone from my sweaty ear! I love that we can talk and talk. I value that so much. She listens to me, and today she could do it well as she was by herself in the house. The girls are with Dad, and Deb's at work. That precious alone time she could've had doing ANYTHING else, and she chose to spend that long talking to ME. I feel so special. Russ was playing with the boys, I was on the patio, she was alone, and so we had this incredibly rare uninterrupted conversation. Since the girls are older than my boys, I feel like listening to her trials with parenting teens, I get a glimpse of what works and doesn't for her, I learn, I file away, and wisdom is gained. It's awesome. I love my sister. My husband is so great to have realized that's how it is. My sister is very important to me. I will talk to her for at least an hour. I will get giddy, silly and totally hyper after having talked to her. I just will. Our relationship makes me happy.

So, I had a happy afternoon!

I am a catholic. I converted in 2002. Russ has been a catholic since birth. So, we have gone to mass every week we are home. We have gone to mass on vacations in many places. However, in the past year, we have slid away somehow... our church is great. The people love seeing us every week, love our boys, and we are part of a community. However, I know my husband's struggling with something. He has lots of great questions for God. He wonders how so much evil can exist. Why doesn't God just take it away since he has control? How can he allow a parent to do horrible things to a child? How can so much sin exist so rampantly in a country to the point of genocide? Why is this necessary? Why does God allow it? I can totally understand. I struggle with those, too. However, since being in Bible Study, I am learning so much of who God is that I find comfort in his plans being better than mine. I think if you believe in God that you have to believe in a Satan. God's battling for all of us. Is this how the Romans felt? The early Christians. Like, "God, there's still alot of war and evil. Why aren't you here yet? How long does this have to go on? When are you coming to stop it?" So, I feel that way, too.... I just have to believe he has SOME sort of reason for not coming just yet. I also feel like it's getting close. This world is falling apart. I really fear for the world's state when my kids are older.... like I may not even get a chance to be a grandmother. Honestly. I don't stay awake, have anxiety or cry about it. I just feel like there's a real chance the world will kill itself before I'm 60. I have to just make sure my life is in the best order as possible and keep my passion for Christ.

So, Russ was out of town, and my friend, Amy, invited me to her church. I was co-leader of this church's mom's group. I was in bible study. I became a children's leader. I feel like I almost know more people there than my own church! (There are A LOT of gray haired people at our church.) Well, I went a few weeks ago. It was fun to see everyone in their church... to say good morning to so many friends... to sit in their pews and experience what they love. However, my kids were SOOOOO happy when I picked them up. They LOVED it and couldn't stop talking about it. They were pumped. They learned verses. They played. They watched a video. They KNEW stuff and could answer questions. Our church has Children's Liturgy, but they read the gospel message for that Sunday, and I think the teacher just tells them what it means and doesn't really discuss it too much. They only have 20" to do so. And then the kids color a random coloring page. They come back to mass and sit the next 30"- and stand and walk up for communion, etc. :) Well, I have been mentioning to Russ since last year that maybe we need to change churches- catholic churches. He says it'll be the same there, too. However, I don't feel like I can pry right now too much with him about it. I don't want to shut him down. I don't want to build a wall. I feel like God's telling me "In his own time and mine." So, I don't push. But, we talked about another church not only for him but for the kids mostly. They were beginning to push back about going because it's so boring for them. This other church was familiar to them, too, since they took AWANA there. They loved it.

Well, Russ' last few weeks have been incredible stressful at work, and he opted for a mountain biking ride this morning, and so I was going to head back to church with Amy. She called in the morning to say they weren't going; one of the boys was sick. I went alone and sat with other friends. The boys again were SO happy when I picked them up. They could discuss what they had learned. Anthony recalled the verse at bedtime AND the Hebrew phrase for "Be strong and courageous." What the? He wants to do Kid's Club AND AWANA this year. He's my Jesus lover- as is Chas. They LOVE to read the bible every night. (Children's Study Bible) I feel like my desire to change churches from the beginning was for the kids. I feel like I'm being challenged on that now.

I don't believe the Eucharist is the actual body and blood of Christ. I do like the respect and reverence for communion, though. I don't believe Mary was without sin. There are other things about the Catholic faith I do not believe. You see, when I converted, it was all about y relationship with Christ. A year's worth of classes never said, "If you want to be Catholic, you have to believe A, B and C. You can't be Catholic if you disagree on this point." So, I felt like that was OK. I enjoy the Catholic church. I was baptized a Methodist, and I did miss the praise and worship from that time. Our church here has a mass with an awesome choir, guitar, drums, violin, flute, etc. It's great! They will sing contemporary songs in the beginning or after collection or communion. But, it's hit or miss on the relevance of the homily. I think you can nitpick every church. I like our church. I like Amy's church. I was just challenged today. I saw someone with whom I don't respect. That may be harsh. I just don't want my kids with hers. I was challenged. Could you attend another church given all of ITS flaws? I'm not comfortable with people dancing willy nilly in the aisles. It's a distraction. If someone were to speak in tongues, I'd freak out and want to run. Do they really need the attention? To be super special? It's not necessary. We don't understand, so why do they feel we need to hear? I guess I sat there today and really had to ask what I'd be OK with so that my kids were fed. I'm not saying I'm changing churches. I haven't even brought it up to Russ. He would NOT be comfortable there. He would probably squirm. I think it's all very personal to him, and those who experience Christ in such open ways would probably make him uncomfortable to say the least.

I understand on Sunday we are there to meet as a community with God and be fed. I understand we all experience Him in different ways. He all praise and give him glory in different ways. We all feel his presence in different ways that moves us differently. Now, I picked up Russ after church, and we met friends of our from that church for lunch. They had interestly enough been at a Catholic church the night before talking about fostering kids. My friend was telling me that she was praying a lot about God changing her heart because she was feeling judgemental. "I don't like the way they do that." "They should do that better." "That isn't (whatever)." She had to think about the things she DID like... the things she thought they may have been going better... even the little things like holding up the word of God as it was brought down the aisle. So, I have to think about that. What do I like? What is important to me that I don't think I'd want changed? I have lots to ponder! I feel like my kids need to be somewhere else. I feel like that somewhere else may be Amy's church. I feel like I want a verse from God. :)

Anyway... this is going to be a long blog. I've got some introspection to do. I struggled with being judgemental today and yet being so happy for the things I loved. I wish Russ would be with me on this one.